Boobs are the epicentre of my existence. The one (or should I say two) common themes that show up in every element of my life. They are the root of my physical health concerns (developing neck arthritis at 25), the stem of my childhood trauma (being nicknamed Tits McGee), one way to distract almost any person I'm conversing with (aooga) – and now as an adult (barely) I’ve built my career around them. Tits, boobs, mommy milkers, jugs, cannons – the pieces of fat that hang close to your heart, whatever tickles your fancy – best believe I've heard them all, and hopefully will say them all by the end of this blog post.
Me and my pair go way back, an almost overnight growth spurt to a D cup at the age of 13 (thank you puberty hormones). So you can say after 12 long years of being attached, we have grown very comfortable with each other.
Here lie my credentials, so believe me when I tell you I know the tricks of the trade. To me, and my boobie focused life, there is nothing that enrages me more than seeing a girl tying up her bikini the wrong way. Yes, there is essentially no “right way” to tie up a bikini. But there is a better way. Pull up a notepad, open your notes app – and yes don’t worry – I know you’re never going to look back at it as it rots amongst old grocery lists and that one hearty message draft to that guy you probably should have blocked (it’s okay, we don’t have to lie to each other).
Where do you start?
Always start with your underbust. This is your foundation, and how you’re going to support your goods. Without a sturdy hold here, you’ve got no hope to hold your cannons in place. So my advice is make sure that you have this tight around you (just don’t cut off any blood circulation though – duh).
If it’s a tie-up bikini, make sure that it’s tied up under your bust first – firmly (even if your girls have to hang there in the meantime).
Hot tip: Tie the string in front of you first, then move it around to the back – or get someone to tie it up from behind you. Please – I’m begging you – do not try to tie it up from the back yourself. If it’s not done properly and you’re busty, this might be securing you a ticket to underboob central (unless you’re going for that look – in which that case knock yourself out). Otherwise, just take my advice to refrain from popping a ninnie at the beach.
If it’s a clasp bikini top, make sure it’s an adjustable one. This means it has sliders and clasps – to tighten or loosen. Essentially tighten them to a comfortable hold, since that bad boy is a one-hit wonder. Personally, I would never purchase anything for my rack that’s not adjustable and doesn’t have sliders to tighten. For girls like us (assuming you’re hung), we need more support than that.
Hot tip: Personally, I've always liked bikinis that are tie-up because I can get the hold however tight I want around my curves. Your body is always naturally fluctuating, so it’s nice to have something with a little more wiggle room for those fluctuations.
- If it’s a bandeau-styled top, tie it up firmly around your underbust upside down (the front of the bikini should be facing down onto your skin). Once you’re ready to secure your bazongas in place, flip the top up and begin to tuck your boobs into the bandeau. I classify this task as an art form, so practice does make perfect – get well acquainted with your pair. I’ve come to find that with a different kind of tuck, you can get your boobs to look different. Times where I've tucked them in more to the side, it can make them look smaller. More towards the middle can accentuate more cleavage. Every pair is different, so get to know yours and what feels good to you.
Rookie Central
The most common mistake I see girls make is tying up their neck straps first before the one around their underbust. As I thought about all the times I've seen girls do this, I physically rubbed my forehead in distress. If you do this, I can assure you that you'll most definitely have a passenger out of their assigned seat (underboob city) at some point.
Saddle up your puppies the right way – like I said previously, start with a strong foundation.
- Underbust
- Straps
Learn it, live it, love it.
Styling Your Knockers
Here lie my unsolicited opinions about choosing styles for bikini tops. Feel free to disagree, it’s just my opinion at the end of the day and can be swayed case-to-case – as everyone’s bodies are so beautifully unique.
The Skin-to-Fabric Ratio
Personally, I think the key to finding the most flattering style bikini top for you is the skin-to-fabric ratio. The perfect amount of fabric that creates a flattering silhouette around your endowments and accentuates your décolletage. The more skin area you have (big ol’ knockers), the more flattering it is to find styles that offer enough fabric that align with your size.
Allow me to demonstrate: as my melons are on the bigger side, I've found that thin-strap triangle bikinis do not flatter me the way a thicker halter style does. The fabric-to-skin ratio is more proportionate with a thicker fabric, rather than a thin strap lost in a sea of tit.
Here lies a graphic of some coconuts for my visual learners out there.
As a girl who’s served her time wearing tiny straps, trust me when I say that I've learnt through actual blood, sweat and tears that it also physically takes a strain on your neck.
I love the idea of a boob tube, they do sound great in theory. But here, in the real world, we have this thing called gravity – and with heavy jugs, they’ve never been a busty girl’s reality. Personally I've never been a fan of the pestering underwire that never seems to do too much holding up. One big wave at the beach and you’ll be getting done for public indecency (peek-a-boob). It also stuffs up my tan line as it has my bosoms covering halfway down my stomach – like I said, gravity.
This may come across as biased, as I've been big on this design for Doxxia. But my personal favourite style at the moment is a bandeau with thicker neck straps. It really does have the perfect fabric-to-skin ratio, is so supportive with elastic lining to hold everything in place, and is so beyond flattering for your lumps, your lovely lady lumps – check ’em out ...
https://www.doxxia.com.au/products/the-theodora-top-1
And bonus, while you’re lying down tanning, you can undo the straps for a seamless tan.
There are so many colours and patterns available when it comes to swimwear. I find that it’s so fun to play around and work out which colour palettes suit your skin tone and make you feel good in your body. It’s a fun way to express yourself. Although I do think it is essential to have a staple pair of black/brown bikinis for the days you’re not feeling like wearing colour, or for when you are on your monthly female bill.
How to Survive a Full Beach Day
My biggest hack for spending hours in a bikini boils down to 2 things.
Firstly, having a thicker-strap bikini. The thicker the strap, the less it will dig into your skin. You want the fabric to sit on your skin, not dig into it. Preferably soft and mouldable fabrics.
Secondly, my holy grail move: continuously changing the placement throughout the day of said straps. From the neck to the shoulders, and repeat accordingly.
Tying up your halter neck straps on your shoulders instead of your neck will essentially divert the pressure of carrying the heavy load that are your orbs. You’re probably thinking, “how do I do that – my bikini doesn’t allow for that”. You’re right, some don’t – but most do. If you have a classic string bikini, the world is your oyster babe. Instead of tying them up around your neck, have the strings fold over your shoulders and tie them up onto the back of your underbust back string. I usually just loop them around the string enough times to have them hold. If you can’t do it yourself – get a friend to help.
This may be a dramatic statement, yes, but trust me when I say that move has changed my life.
Here lies a video example:
https://www.tiktok.com/@doxxia_/video/7509782289241361672
Having a hefty set on you secures you for a long journey. I won’t beat around the bush, but at times it will be painful and emotionally draining, as there are more considerations around decisions like ... buying a bikini that actually does fit and makes you feel supported and sexy in your skin.
Even though I've built my career around intentionally designing and making things for girls who are busty, unfortunately I don’t have magical powers to solve all your busty problems. They are heavy, girl – no getting over those boulders. But what I can do is offer you cute options tailored to your curves and share my little nuggets of tips and tricks that I've compiled along my journey.
I hope this advice helps set you down the right path. If you take nothing away from this blog, I hope it at least has you thinking about getting to know your pair, as it is the most essential step in the journey. Once you understand what works best for you and your body, the breast is yet to come!
Breast of luck!